30 Days of Kink - Day 2

Day 2: List your kinks.


All of them? :) Really I don't think I can list all of them and so many play off another or just have little part in another part.   So I  will do what I can think of in the moment....

Breath play - This is probably one of my oldest kinks. I mean I know I loved other kinks forever but this one I remember doing consistently through  the years.  I love that feeling of not even being in control of my breath.  Really I like the fear of it - that it plays on the edge so turns me on and gets me off.


Humiliation/degradation - It totally trips my trigger.  I love the feelings it taps into - feelings at the core that just burst open into light.  It is very twisted...as usually I will be going through a range of emotions and crying but at the same time getting more and more turned on by whatever is being done or said to me.  (here you can read all sorts of entries I have done about humiliation)


Pain - I am a masochist.  I like pain.  It hurts but the pain turns me on.  Stingy pain from the single tail, cat-o-nine, viper, cane or just anything that gives that sharp sting usually brings out my masochistic side fast.  


Impact play - I saying anything really like the above - single tail, vipers, cane all impact toys.  Spanking which I didn't even like until Master.  We have these other little toys that create good impact - like a strap with a ball on the end - such a good pain.  Punching and slapping though - are my favorites. 

Bondage - I like being restrained in all sorts of different ways but rope bondage is my favorite.  I love the way the rope feels digging into my flesh. I love the feelings of being completely helpless and not able to move.  (entry on why I love rope)

Control/Force/Consensual Non-Consent - all these fall close together because of the same reasons...I like that he is in control and makes me do things I don't want to do.   I like that he uses or forces me when I am not in the mood, I like that he is in control of what I can and can't do, and can make me do something but really I am so twisted into being his that I will obey him even if I am crying all the way through it.   

The previous 30 Days of Kink entries. 

Communication

Something I count really among my many blessings is how well Master and I do communicate. It isn't perfect. It isn't that we always say the right thing to each other but in the end we keep talking and working it out until it is resolved.  Actually it is something my previous therapist and my current therapist always comment on - how well Master and I communicate.  It is something that we have proven to be quite good in our poly relationship with teacup as well.  We express ourselves and talk through issues and problems that arise as well as just talking daily about life and beliefs.  It strengthens our relationship and keeps adding good things to our foundation. 


Today's Daily Om was about communication and I thought it to be quite good so sharing some of it. But please follow the link to read the rest. 

"When we are in a relationship where we feel listened to and understood, we count ourselves lucky because we know how rare that experience is. We reserve our most intimate selves for the people who, along with us, cocreate an open space where we feel free to express ourselves and listen without judgment. These relationships, which thrive on open communication, can mean the difference between existential loneliness and a deep sense of belonging. We all long to feel heard, understood, and loved, and clear communication makes this possible." -  Daily OM May 24, 2012

"The key is to find ways to center ourselves so that we communicate meaningfully, lovingly, and wisely. In this way, we honor our companions and create relationships in which there is a genuine sense of understanding and respect."  - Daily OM May 24, 2012

Fantasy + Reality = Fail (sometimes)

It is great when your fantasies play out just as good or better then they do in your head. But sometimes they do fail.  Yes, sometimes when a fantasy mixes with reality....it doesn't always work out well. We had one of those moments on Sunday. It was the evening of the Ring of Fire (solar eclipse).  Master and I were going to be going out to this remote desert area to view the Ring of Fire.  It is a beautiful area and remote enough that standing out semi-naked to naked - we don't have a very likely chance of having people wonder by . I do have to say with the eclipse we did seem to have more people out there but we were still all so far from each other - we couldn't see each other.  It is a very pretty area that is great to watch the sunset.  But that isn't what came to Master's mind when he first thought of going there.

Master doesn't have a big SUV but his automobile would be considered a SUV.  It has a back cargo area that when looking at it - looks pretty good size. We fit lots of things back there.  We have always had the fantasy of putting me back there and pulling the cover over it.  Kind of like being kidnapped and forced into the trunk of a car - instead it is a back cargo area.  Well....this is where fantasy meeting reality sometimes fails.  It was smaller then it looked.  I couldn't fit in it very well. It isn't very wide and not very deep either with the cargo cover on it. The cover just is a slide out screen that attaches to the backseat and then pulls and latches just before the hatch door.

Master ended up pulling over not far from our house and getting me out.  I am thankful but at the same time I felt like it was me that was failing but reality is that it just wasn't feasible due to size. I am a big girl and it isn't a big SUV so the cargo area isn't that big.  Insert big pouty face.

Also reality is even if it was bigger not sure I could do it still.  I would have had breathing problems.  I was having them as is and even in a bigger space it still would have been hard to breath.

I was really upset it didn't work but understand that is something that does happen at times.

We did though get to have some fun though. Master brought the single tail.  We really don't have a lot of room to use it in our house....well...really we do now that we rearranged the living room - he might be able to use it in there on teacup and I.  But really out in the desert - was PERFECT. Just perfect. Standing out there he could have all the room he wanted.  He hit me with my clothes on and then had me life up my dress and pull down my panties and whipped me that way too. It felt so delicious - nothing brings out my masochistic side as fast as the single tail and it has always been that way. I remember when I lived in Cleveland and felt it for the first time - I could have almost purred - it hurt but it was that hurt that just makes me crave to feel the pain over and over and over.   And although I hadn't felt the single tail in quite a long time - it brought that right out in me again.  It was amazing.  So although our fantasy didn't work with the cargo hold - we did get to have fun with the single tail.

We also got to sit and enjoy the beautiful setting sun. We didn't get to see the ring of fire.  But we had a nice picnic dinner, watched the sunset over mountains from a beautiful setting and we got some play time in too. It was a really wonderful evening and something we both wish we would do more often.

Entiltement

Do you as a slave feel you are entitled to anything?


First what does entitled mean to me: the right to receive something or to do something.  Within Owner/property or Master/slave type relationships - this can become a concern for some.  


When I first started thinking about this topic, I could not think of anything I view that way - I can't think of what I might be entitled to within this relationship. But then...I came to thoughts and emotions. I guess I always feel I am entitled to them. It is just what I do with them that I don't have a claim over. I am not entitled express them anyway I chose.


I don't feel I get tripped up with entitlement as much now as maybe I did when Master and I were first together. I know that there were some tangible things I felt I was entitled too - and it would trip me up and smack me in the face when I realized that is what I was feeling and the mindset I had about those things. Such as  feeling I was entitled to panties during a period because otherwise it might be messy.  Now I still want panties during my period at this moment.  I don't even like to be just in panties when I have my period. It makes me feel uncomfortable - like I might bleed somewhere and having an extra layer of clothing will protect me. My period as it is so erratic I might bleed all over despite having a tampon in so having panties and clothing on top of them always makes me feel more secure. But I know I am not entitled to that. Master could tell me to bleed all over and clean up after myself as I go - in fact he has a fantasy of making me wear white and bleed on it. 


Another tangible that tripped me up at first....I love seafood and Master hates it. Because I love seafood it was hard at first to give it up. Now it isn't as if Master says no seafood EVER.  But it is not a norm on our grocery list as he hates seafood and hates the smell of it cooking.  So now he has given me times when he goes out of town to have seafood. And there has even been times he has purposely taken me someplace that serves seafood so I can have a seafood fix.  It is healthy food I miss and it is something I wish I could eat more of but again I am not entitled too it. But I am sure if I wanted too I could have twisted this into something I am entitled too because well it is healthy for me and you are taking away something that is good for me. I didn't do that but there are things like that I can see where if I got really pissy about it - I could twist into away - where I am "entitled" to it.  I don't but I can totally see where it could trip me up and cause problems if I let it. I get to have what Master wants me to have and even then it can be taken away at any moment so I am always thankful that he allows me to have some things like seafood at all.  


A couple of friends and I were having this discussion of entitlement once long long ago and one friend pondered if entitlement could lead to anything positive in the relationship. I and the other friends said no - that we couldn't see it doing any good. But our friend that brought up the topic said she felt that in some relationships it might be positive....such as they were entitled to feeling pride in a job well done that it helped motivate. If they knew they did a good job they would be allow to feel pride then it could motivate them to do the very best work possible. I guess I can see that.


I can see that but again I feel even for me that is a fine line. Master might want me to take pride in something but he also doesn't want me to get a big head and feel I am all that an bag of potato chips on whatever it is I am doing for him.  He wants me to be humble and gracious that I am allowed to serve him in success and failure. But I can see where it might help motivate some people.  


I know that when I get in a mindset that I am entitled to something - then it will trip me up. I am thankful that for the most part - I don't get tripped by that often but every once in a while I trip on things that are old issues. So always good to keep coming back and examine things. 

What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

Just a little life....

* Master was really into this cycle of using humiliation on me - then we had to go out of town and of course that threw us off our schedule. But it was lots of fun - being mindfucked and turned by it. :)

* My gawd I have my period and I think even if I fucked a whole army platoon I wouldn't be satiated. I am just so horny this time. I mean I am always horny with my period but this time seems like 10 times more then usual. But on top of being horny - I have had a migraine cycle from hell and having sex or orgasms don't really help them. But it hasn't stopped me from giving Master blow jobs even though it spikes me up....I don't care as I am just so horny I want his cock in me.

* We saw The Avenger's - twice! Oh so so good! Joss Whedon did a fantastic job! I am so happy for him and the success of the moive.  Last movie I saw twice in the theater was Star Trek. I think actually I saw that 3 times.  We just don't see movies in the theater often anyway so going twice is something we really don't do. Title of this post is from the Avenger's

* Because I am wanting Master's cock so much  - giving him multiple blow jobs a day lately he wrote Cock Slut in marker on my breasts.  During the movie on Friday - I reach out and touched his thigh just to lay my hand there and instantly spiked my desire of wishing we weren't in the theater and instead at home so I could have his cock in my mouth. I am telling you I am so freakin horny right now.

* teacup will be here again in less than a month! YAY!  When she booked her ticket, I think we were all bouncing off the walls that she gets to visit again so soon.

* When she is here - she will get to meet one of Master's long time friends who is poly while we are in Denver to pick teacup up from the airport.  And she might meet Master's sister too on our way back to bring her to the airport. We are out to Master's sister - she knows about our lifestyle - both the M/s and poly. She is excited to meet our love.  We also hope that she gets to meet some local friends that we were suppose to get together with last time - hopefully this time we are able to do that.

*  Spent lots of time in the kitchen this week - made homemade hoagie rolls earlier in the week and then Saturday I made homemade hamburger buns, browned 2 lbs of ground beef, made meatloaf for the freezer so I can take it out and bake later, made lots of meatballs, sauteed veggies and then made muffins for breakfast too. Last night we had hamburgers on homemade buns, corn on the cob with Northwood Seasoning from Penzeys Spices and then Cherry Wine with lemonade in it.  A recipe we got from a local winery when teacup was here last.  I am about to go make some things to take on a picnic to watch the sunset tonight and hopefully see the Ring of Fire (annular solar eclipse).  Master also has some fun things planned for on our trip to where we are going to view it - and for while we are out there. It is kind of a remote area.  I will write about it I am sure I will be writing about whatever happens. :)

* I am feeling very blessed right now. Because life is really good. I mean of course it would be better if teacup was here with us but I am just so happy we found someone who is such an amazing person  that meshes with us so well.   Master is great....I am just so happy with him and to be HIS. Life is just really good.  Love my Life!

Responsible for my Own Orgasm

Once upon a time you could look at me and I could have an orgasm.  It was just simple and easy.  I got turned on easy and I had multiple orgasms easily.  As I get older, it is getting harder to have an orgasm.  Sometimes it is quick and easy like it used to be but the majority of the time it isn't.

Something I have had a hard time with as a submissive is that I want to please Master in all ways and when my orgasms started being harder to reach, I felt bad. I felt like something is "wrong" with me.  I am not good enough for him because I can't reach an orgasm as easily.  Now obviously he is with me not just for my orgasms.  We are together because we are compatible beyond sex - logically I get that. But in the moment of having sex and it seems like it is taking a long time and that frustration is building - the thoughts that there is something wrong with me and feeling inadequate because I can't even orgasm creep in.  Silly - I know.

My body is all over the place right now - changing all the time.  Sometimes it takes pain to get me off and other times I need a softer touch. I always need pain and bdsm stuff for the foreplay to get me turned on and get me wet and wanton, but when it comes down to the actual orgasm - sometimes I just need some firm but soft touching of my clit.  Even then though I still might not come because I need an added mental component  - mostly dirty talk. It is what will usually push me over. But what I am trying to say - it is different almost always - which can get frustrating.

I recently was watching a Tuesday's with Nina over on EdenFantasys.com. They are videos where Nina Hartley is giving sexual advice. Now if you don't know who Nina Hartley is - please google. I think the first porn I watched had Nina in it.  She is long time adult movie star as well as a sex educator.  I really enjoy her Tuesday's with Nina series over on Eden Tube.

One video I watched, that I will embed below, featured a question from a young woman that was having problems achieving orgasm with her partner. That it was making her and her partner feel bad and like they were doing something wrong because she couldn't reach orgasm "from" him.  Nina offered really good advice as well as just some good common sense words - we all are responsible for our own orgasm.

Just because your partner is the one helping you get there doesn't mean he/she is responsible for pushing you over and giving you one.  You know your body and know what will get you there and there is nothing wrong with having fun foreplay and getting close and then personally taking over to push it over.  I think I forget that at times.  Master does a great job of giving me orgasms. I can have one with him pushing me over but when I am having problems - there is no rule that say I can't take over to push over. Sometimes we have done that too - just not often enough and not soon enough. I usually get to the bad thoughts of being inadequate before I just get some sex toys out so I can push it over. Master doesn't care how I orgasm just as long as we are both having fun and getting pleasure (of course we mix it with SM which is pleasurable to us). I mean that is what is about - are we having fun - keeping it fun and doing things to help before it becomes frustrating.

Please watch the video below as well as checking out all the other great videos and content over on EdenFantasys. I love how they always get me thinking about something in a new way.



 Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

30 Days of Kink - Day 1

I am going to do the 30 day of Kink that I saw go around on the blogosphere quite a while ago.  I am going to be very irregular in when I  post them, but  I hope to do at least 2 a month but it might be more or it might be less. :)


Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?   Basically define your kinky self for us.

Owned girl wired for service and obedience. I am bisexual, masochistic, sexually submissive and poly. I have been Master's property for 9 years. 10 years will be in February 2013. 


I say wired because I can look back into my life and see that these things in my life that point to service and obedience to authority in my life.  I feel I am sexually submissive because I become more submissive just after being used sexually.   I am obey and I submit always to Master but after sex it is easier for me.  After being beat, it is easier for me. I don't let my mind step in and start to trip me up  - where if we hadn't had sex and I am out of that sexual mindset then my mind sometimes starts to get in my way. I always obey, I always serve and submit but mentally and emotionally I it is harder for me. 

30 days of Kink

These will be posted very randomly. I am hoping to do 2 posts a month but nothing is written in stone. :)

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch?  What parts of BDSM interest you?  Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

Day 2: List your kinks.

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience?  If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic.

Day 9: Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

Day 10: What are your hard limits?

Day 11: What are your views on the ethics of kink?

Day 12: Tell us about a humorous BDSM/kink experience you’ve had.  If you haven’t had one, talk about aspects of kink/BDSM you find funny.

Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you?  Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?  If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Day 16: What are the most difficult aspects of having a sexuality that involves kink or BDSM for you personally?

Day 17: What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?

Day 18: Any kinky/BDSM pet peeves?  If so, what are they?

Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?

Day 20:  Talk about something within kink/bdsm that you’re curious about/don’t understand.

Day 21: Favorite BDSM related book (fiction or non-fiction)

Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?  How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Day 23: Since you first developed an interest in kink, have your interests/perspectives changed?  How so?

Day 24: What qualities do you look for in a partner?

Day 25: How open are you about your kinks?

Day 26: What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?

Day 27: Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?

Day 28: How do you dress for kink/BDSM play?  What significance does your attire have to you?

Day 29: Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)?  What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?

Day 30: Whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.

Too Dum to Cum

Humiliation and degradation really trip my trigger for turn-ons.  Sometimes I get hung up on the fact that "it shouldn't" and other times I can let it go and just go with it. Right now I am in a let it go and go with it phase. Thank goodness I am....as Master has been using it every time we have had sex recently.

The other day we were having sex where Master had an orgasm and I didn't. He got up to take a shower and told me to masturbate. He said that if I didn't orgasm before he got out that he would write something humiliating on me.  Before he had me start masturbating, I was ready. I was so close to popping off easily that I thought no problem. Grrr the power of Master and the mindfuck....because of course I got close but didn't push over.  He got out of the shower and looked at me from the bathroom door while I laid on the bed still trying.  He kind of cocked his head in which he asked the question without speaking of...."well did you?"  I screamed "NO" in frustration.  He smiled and laughed. As soon as he was done drying off he went to the kitchen to get a sharpie  He pressed the sharpie to my skin on my stomach and I had an orgasm...just with him pressing that sharpie to my skin. As he wrote the words, multiple orgasms erupted.  He wrote "too dum to cum" - purposely spelling dumb wrong.

Every time he points the writing out on me, I squirm and feel myself get wet.

2 Years

In 2010, I only did  30 posts for the whole year, but I understand why as that was the year my Uncle died and  Kam also died and I pretty much pulled away from everything. I only did 31 posts in 2011.  I didn't even post in the first 3 months of 2011.  The only reason I started post in April of 2011 is because we met some people who were moving to the area and now are good friends. I wanted to share the experience of meeting like minded people.

I am now coming up on the 2 year anniversary of both my Uncle's death and Kam's.  I am happy to say although I miss them and still have moments of grieving - sadness that come up - I am over the biggest parts of my grieving.  I know that many things helped me get through it all.   Master of course is one of the main reasons I was able to move forward.  He was really great in just supporting me and understanding when things seemed to be falling apart around here. He helped me when he could and of course he got frustrated and angry at some things I did but he still was there for me.  Other things that helped me were good friends - such as the friends we met last year that moved to the area. I can't imagine not having them around - even if we only see them once a month or every other month.  I enjoy their company so much.  They have come to mean so much to me and I count them as blessings in my life.

Meeting katie was also a big moment for me that helped me keep looking forward as she is such a lovely person who is so inspiring to be around.  I really wished we would have had more time together but so glad we keep our friendship alive through online contact at least.  I truly don't know what I would do without such a wonderful friend who I can be myself with even when complaining or sharing joy. You are a beautiful person inside and out katie and I love and adore you!   So thankful we were able to meet in 2011 and hope to see you again in 2012.

My long time friends have been a great help too - Jouet and Jessica. Jouet for making me laugh and telling me wonderful stories of her life. They were always a good distraction and it is always fun to live vicariously through others.  The cupcake story I still replay in my head often. :)   Jessica - for allowing me to cry and vent even when it was irrational. Thank you so much for being there even when I was at my worst.  I love you both so much and am so thankful to have you as friends.

And last but not least I know that teacup coming into our lives really helped me look forward to the future...giving me hope for a bright future. A future I have dreamed about for so long and was not sure we were going to find someone to fit into.  She came to us in an unexpected way when we weren't looking and now we are moving towards being a family. I cherish the memories we have already created and look forward to the ones we will make in the days to come. I love and adore you, teacup. Thank you for coming into our lives and wanting to be a part of this family with all the ups and downs.

I know I am forgetting people - so many people reached out to me during my struggles and I appreciate every single person...each time someone commented on my livejournal or blog, emailed me, dropped me an offline message or message on fetlife - it meant the world to me and helped me through it.  I have amazing friends and family - I am very thankful for having such a good life and you all enriching it.

Teacup

Teacup departed our arms  a week ago today. It was extremely hard to let her go as we had such an amazing time.

I am really glad that teacup's time with us gave her a taste of our everyday experiences. Master is self-employed and often our day/week get totally messed up because work comes first. And work got in the way right away. Monday and Tuesday we had tentative plans to meet some friends so they could meet teacup but Master ended up needing to do work both those days which then put other things we had wanted to do out of the schedule too. It really was a week of just planning it kind of day to day.

She got to experience everyday things like cleaning and folding clothes while Master was out on business. Her and I shopping and doing errands for Master while he was busy with work.  Her and Master running errands for his work and because we had to of course do some home repairs while she was here. She is a handy girl for sure - helped out on every level from sorting and filing things to doing home repairs. She just dove into the projects and was just willing to help out in any way.

We of course had LOTS of fun in there too.

Some highlights...mostly good with a few not so good thrown in to show it was everyday life full of ups and downs but mostly ups....
* her first night here - seeing her in bed with Master and being able to kiss them both good night. (our bed isn't big enough for all 3 of us to sleep comfortably in so we switched off nights sleeping with her)  It was quite overwhelming for me - in a good way. I was overwhelmed with love, affection and just joy...joy of seeing them in bed together...seeing her HERE with us.  It really choked me up with overflowing feelings and tears.

* I ended up being sick my first night sleeping with her

* I started spotting the day she arrived and then my period hit about half way through her visit and stopped the day she left.  My period was 10 days early. :(

* got to enjoy one of my obsessions with her - Harry Potter. She hadn't seen the last one so we watched the last 3 with her.  We also watched North by Northwest which is in my top 10 favorite movies. And we watched The Secretary which she hadn't seen before either.

* seeing teacup in her first hood, leather collar, cuffs and gag

* Master gagged us the first or second night - while he read from Laura Antoniou's  The Slave.  It was fun to see her drool. Her gag is much larger then mine as I have a small mouth - no really I do  My dentist even has told me that my mouth is small and always is asking me to open it more. :) Anyway - I have a small gag and she has a LARGE ball gag - she looked so pretty in it.

* Hearing Master and her having fun - really turned me on except for once...

* And I had a meltdown.  We all talked it out but it was very emotional. After that, later in the evening I did an Osho Zen tarot reading for all of us. teacup had never done tarot before and all of us....all of our cards were so spot on. I had 3 significant cards, but the last card actually used words from the meltdown earlier in the day.  It was very scary actually how accurate it was - we were looking at them like damn. It is amazing how much they can "read" you.

* teacup was a great help to me with a major project and doing some things around the house. I know I didn't let her do much, but this was also her vacation from work and I wanted her to be able to just relax. Next time she comes - I have promised to let her help more in chores and cooking. I pretty much spoiled her with food - I cooked a lot of our favorites and just had things planned out pretty good so that meals were covered.

* the liberator from Eden Fantasys arriving just in time to make sure her ass was in the air for Master to beat. (review of the liberator most likely coming at some point)

* knowing she now understands why when I say I am lucky that Master played the drums what I mean by that.  Master is the best spanker and it is all because he is a drummer. 

* my goodness that girl can take pain.  Really she could have gone on and on and on.

* She had lovely bruises on her ass and inside of her thighs.

* Her favorite toy is the Evil stick. (grins) Right teacup?  She knows the name fits it.

*  We had little afternoon trip to basically our backyard - where she took, I think it was, over 500 photos.

* We had a day trip too - and was wonderful to show her spots that have special meaning for us and create a moment that will now make it a very special spot for her.  Master collared her at one of our favorite places.  A waterfall we love to go to.

* I believe she enjoyed getting a taste of being chained to the bed at night. One night sleeping with her - her and I woke up with our male cat meowing because he wanted to be fed. He kept sitting there looking at us and meowing like "hey you guys are up come and feed me" but we were both chained to the bed.  So we kept telling him to go wake Master.  Have you ever watched Lassie where Lassie would come and tell them something by barking and of course they always understood. It would be something like Timmy fell in the well. We were doing that with our male cat - telling him to go tell Master Timmy fell in the well so he would come undo us from the bed .  Okay so maybe you needed to be here to get it :)

* Got some wine from local winery to enjoy on her last night here.  Also spent that afternoon at paint your own pottery place creating keepsakes for each other - we each took a turn at each other's piece to paint some of it.

*  One day Master had to work with a group of people and teacup and I were able to watch.  A couple people who are colleagues of Master but also friends said teacup and I looked like sisters.  Her and I both blushed because of the alternate meaning to us.  They all looked at her as a friend.  But she is part of our family and although sister isn't a word I would use for us - it is closest that works and that many use in poly situations.

Teacup is amazing person...she is so kind, funny, smart, adorable, pretty and sexy. She adapted quickly to things changing around here and the ups and downs. I loved being able to just spend time with her - no matter what it was...if it was sucking on her nipple or just talking - every moment with her was amazing. I feel really blessed we found such an amazing person to be a part of our family.

We had a lot more moments and each moment just seemed to feel right - right with her here with us.  It is something we are working towards. It will most likely be a long road to get her here with us but we are all wanting this so willing to wait.  But letting her go was really hard but we are looking ahead and keeping in mind all the wonderful memories we created.  We look forward to next time we see each other and for the eventual day she can move here to be with us.

(photo taken by Master several years ago even though Master did take some more this time. The falls just weren't as full right now so showing you a picture of them in their full beauty)

Safewords

Recently a friend joked that her first safeword was "Olly Olly Oxen Free." So every so often when Master says something that I find particularly sadistic, that I don't really want to do or feel -  I say "Olly Olly Oxen Free." It isn't a safeword but it is just being playful.


Over on Eden Fantasys forums someone started a thread about using safewords. I think if it works for you to use them - use them.  We don't use safewords in this relationship. I am not saying others shouldn't, but I thought I would outline why we don't have one though.

Often when people say they don't have a safe word one of the reasons they say it is because they know each other so well they don't need one or have a deeper relationship so don't need one. Well that isn't the case for us.  First anyone lifestyle or vanilla can have a deep relationship. Next,we are always changing so our tastes and what we like and don't like can change. Moods effect how I feel and react to things also. Plus we try new things often so how would he know my reactions to that if we have never tried it. Really things can be different even if we have played the same way many times before doesn't mean it will go the same way. Yes he knows me, but he doesn't always gauge my mood without me telling him. Master isn't a mind reader.  And even though he has known me 9 years doesn't mean things are always the same.  But even with all that we don't use safewords. 


We use good old fashion communication. I don't need to say red when I feel like I might faint or going to be sick. I don't need to use yellow when a cuff is too tight. I can say, "Master, I am going to be sick" or "Master, this cuff is cutting off circulation in my wrist."   


I like being able to say to him what is going on and what I am feeling. Saying a safeword really allows to just say it and not communicate what is really going on.  I could say red when I am having emotional issues instead of talking about - but talking about is better.  Telling Master I am having flashbacks is much better then saying red and leaving him wondering what is going on.  


Whenever I have mentioned that I don't use safewords in the past, the response I typically got was: "he can hack off your toes."  But even if I yelled a safeword of RED (which is generally stop), he could still hack off my toes.  That is the difference about knowing the risks and knowing the person you are with enough to trust them not hack off your toes.  When you think about it, a safeword isn't going to stop someone from really hurting you if they want.  It still comes down to good old fashion communication which for us, works just as well if not better then a safeword. But if you like the thought of using red, yellow, purple alligator, or even olly olly oxen free - go ahead. Do what works for you. 


Read and explore to figure out what you works for you.  Using a place like Eden Fantasys forums is a great place to start asking questions and read about all sorts of sex positive information even about BDSM.  It is positive sex community to learn more. 




Disclosure: EdenFantasys provided me with a gift card in exchange for this post. All opinions are my own, and were not influenced in any way.

Amazing Day

"What if today, danae, was your day? The most amazing day of your life, so far? A day that would change everything for the better? What's already good would become great. What's already great would become amazing. And what's already amazing would become the stuff of legends.


And all you had to do to take advantage of the good and wonderful things about to happen for you, was treat folks with a true and eager kindness, think mostly of those things that please you, and go out in the world, just a bit, where you could meet, and mingle, and fall in love?


How much would you be clucking right now? Thumbs under your armpits, getting funky? Bobbing your head?


Start clucking baby! Beam, gush, preen! You got it...
    The Universe"


This was the note from the Universe for Monday and Monday was a truly spectacular day.  It was an amazing day that did change thing for better. Each day with teacup just makes my life feel like we have a life full of wonderful.


We took a little drive in our backyard basically as it a national park on the edge of our town and teacup snapped over 500 photos.  It was just a day of enjoying each other's company - exploring the beauty of Colorado with people I love. It was fun to see Master and teacup together - arms around each other, just being close.  It was nice to be a part of it. Being there with them hand in hand.  It feels like our family is complete now. Which is such an amazing feeling.


Many wonderful things done together as a family - all day.  Everything just feels so right.


Our day ended with me hearing Master and teacup - her sucking and him obviously doing things to her that she was enjoying as her moans got pretty loud. :)  I was just hearing and not seeing this as I was in the next room - and masturbating. I ended up cumming six time just to listening to the wonderfully erotic sounds of them.  A nice way to end a beautiful day together - listening to 2 people I love enjoying some intimate time.

48 Hours Away

We are counting down hours now! We are 48 hours away from when teacup's airplane lands and we get to see her.  I am so beyond excited that I am literally bouncing in my chair as I type this.

I am not sure how much updating I will get done while she is here but maybe some. I just know that both Master and I are thrilled we get to have her here with us. We have lots of fun things planned - vanilla and kinky! yay!

Rebellion

A group on FetLife had a question about rebellion...on how slaves rebel. I had a hard time thinking of any but not because I don't rebel because a lot of time my rebellion is on the  inside where I tell him off and tell him how I am going to....do or not do such and such and then of course it never comes out of my mouth.  That usually happens when I am overwhelmed.  I don't act on the things I think about but I do get snappy at times and say things I still don't like but not really the thing I was thinking.  I think when overwhelmed I struggle to be serving him on top of the thing I am overwhelmed so it feels like why do I have to do this for him when I have 10 other things I need to do. It is a melt down for me where I just feel like can  I please get off the merry go round now and have a bit of down time.

I did think of something...an actual thing not just internal struggle - I have done this but can't think when the last time was that I did this....long ago...but  I have to ask for permission for some things while Master is at home. Such as I only have to ask permission to use the bathroom when he is at home. So my rebellion has come in the form of sometimes I don't want to ask but know he is going out in 10 to 30 mins so I will hold it just so I can wait and go without having to ask. I used to do this quite a lot when I was first here with him.  That first year or so...he worked outside the house and I would hold it in the morning knowing he was going to leave for work soon so I would just hold it until he left so I didn't have to ask.  Very silly and childish but many could say a grown woman asking to use the rest room is the same. But it is control and he likes having control over me and my bodily functions. And most of the time I like it too. :)